Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
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