I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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