I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Randomize