I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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