does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
