I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
