I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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