Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
