No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
wow bdsm is so cute
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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