Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
