the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I am available for nakedness
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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