two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
