Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
MIDGETS
????
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
