I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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