Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
