she woke up with a sticky ear
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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