I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
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I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
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It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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