Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
