My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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