I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
