Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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