Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
