well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Randomize
