dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
