The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
