I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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