i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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