Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
