Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
