I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
