they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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