but the lizard people decide everything anyway
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
