Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
