well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
