I CAN MOONWALK!
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
