I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
