omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
