wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
