I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
