is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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