She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
