After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Randomize
