how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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