He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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