After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
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