went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
being pregnant is like rehab
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
