whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
