I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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