How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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