If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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