Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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