Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
