chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
