I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
