bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
