You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
