I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
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