id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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