My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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