Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
