I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
