remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
