Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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