I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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