So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
